[x]

AfraidHave you ever been afraid of yourself?
It's the worst feeling there is
because no matter what you do,
no matter what you try,
you can never escape it
because you're trapped inside yourself,
terrified of what could happen next,
afraid of who you could hurt,
afraid of what you might do.
In dreams, thoughts are only amplified.
In wakefulness, horrors become real.
You tell yourself it cant be real,
tell yourself its not who you truly are.
But it is.
And nothing can change it.

I love you.You, who smiles.
I found you lost.
You're tears fall,
yet I stand there doing nothing.
This anger.
This pain.
This sorrow.
Let me absorb it.
I want to take it all away.
Why do you cry?
You, who smiles.
You, who cries.
Since when?
Those tears fall to the cold concrete.
The smile fades into a frown.
Your eyes filled with despair.
I want to steal it away.
To see you like this.
I don't like this.
I hate myself.
To let you feel the you do.
I can't stand it.
Your tears.
Your frown.
Your pain.
Your despair.
You sorrow.
Your memories.
Your regrets.
Your sins.
Your screams.
I want to steal it all away from you.
I want you to be happy again.
I love you.

EmptyEverything is so wrong
I just wish I could fix it
Been broken for so long
I'm in little pieces
It hurts to wake up
It hurts to want to die
Going to bed thinking of
How you're going to survive
Another day, another year
Another cut, another tear
More heartache, more pain
A black cloud pouring acid rain
Filling my thoughts, my head
Melting what's inside
Until there's nothing left

Alone in the DarkAlone in the dark
A truly comfortable place
Far from anything
That could disturb me,
Together in the light
A very disturbing place
Near everything
That is sickening me.

When the sun decide it's time to go away
I feel this peaceful moon
So beautiful from afar
Yet ugly from near
Now compare to me
And you'll know that should keep your distances.
Sometimes i sit on the ground
Looking at the stars
Wishing I was so far,
Tears starting to fall down
Making me realize
That it's physical
So it's alright.

I may cry
But don't worry its won't harm me
I may look sad
But hey nothing in this world is perfect
Neither the world nor me

I can'tI want to
I need to
I have to

But I can't
Because somebody might open the door
and see...

Those feelings in cageDuring all those weeks
You been on my mind
Yet I feel so weak
And I think this is the time
That I have to tell my feelings
Only when you're leaving!

Standing near the window
I'm looking at the rain that is pouring outside
I guess I really feel alone
When the things that decide my life are actually those dices,
The water drop really show
How I cried each night till my vision blur
My heart is really slow
The only thing I hear is when my cat purr.

I really wish you'll come back to my side
So you can ease all these tides
Even though you're not gone forever
The lack of your presence is making my heart sever
When you'll come back

I'm SorryI'm Sorry

I'm Sorry for everything
For being a bother
For being strange
For being clumsy
For being in the way

I'm Sorry

Please
Don't abandon me
Don't turn them all against me
Don't betray me

I'm Sorry

That's all I ever can say

Broken DoveWill someone please give flight
To this broken dove
Show her happiness
tell her she is loved

Will someone please just help her
Lend her a gentle hand
Raise her in a way
That she can understand

Will someone please just notice
She's broken her small heart
And slowly, every second
her worlds falling apart

She pleads for your forgiveness
She begs you for your love
Please will someone notice
This hollow, dying dove...

Look Into the Lonely MindShe sits alone,
Her thoughts chasing one another
In an endless game of tag.
Connections,
Understandings,
Things no one else can grasp.
Music and movies play,
Repeating themselves over and over.
Books have been written
Only to be forgotten.
Names with pictures,
Words with no voice,
Art that cannot be shown.
Communicating with words that make no sense
And trying to fit in,
Resulting in failure.
Admired by many,
Refused by them all.
Forever Alone...
A lie.
Beautiful and she knows it
But doesn't believe it.
A touch to liven,
A word to kill.
Confused by the answers
To the questions she asks.
Then it all comes back to...
Why?

RazorSweet little friend,
You are the only one that
Truly understands me.

The only one that
Holds my hand
When I am
Breaking.

The one that listens
When I am upset.
The only one that
Hears me crying.
The one that counsels
Me how to cope with life.

And you're hungry
For more blood.

You are jumping and
Screaming
Ready to be fed.

You love the softness of
My skin, and you promise to
Be gentle when you break
Through the vein.
But you're not strong enough.
You aren't sharp and bold
Like the others.

You're such a frail creature
And now it's your turn
To be disposed.

In the trash,
Where you always belonged.

Toxic LoveHis heart is an anchor
His arms are a cage
His lips are like pencils
Rewriting each page

His eyes are deceiving
His tongue tells a lie
His words say they're sorry
His hands make her cry

His smile is salvation
His scent is a drug
His power is greater
His face is just smug

She knows it's not healthy
She knows it's not right
Deep down she is scared
That she will lose this fight

He said that he loved her
He said that he cared
But in the end love
Was a burden they shared

He said that he loved her
And maybe he did
But love that's so toxic
Is not worth a quid

Red sinMy little red sin
coming from within

the empty abyss in my heartJournal Entry: Thu Jan 10, 2013, 1:01 PM
I'm feeling alone,
like there is no one around me.
I am lost in an empty dark void in my heart,
the spot where I lost what was the closest to me.
As I journey deeper into my heart,
I see the scars and the stitches,
the bruises and the missing pieces.
It is lonely an dark,
in this place I call my heart.
Is there anyone or anything that can heal me?

You Saved MeAnother step closer,
A toe off of the edge.
I think of stepping over,
Falling to my death.
I know it's not right,
But it's what I feel.
I just can't help it,
Only it's real.
What do you do when you've lost everything?
Find solisce in drugs?
A release for the pain?
A burning ache,
A foreign fever.
A cataclysm of hate,
That tips the meter.
But I step back,
Admire the view,
Pull myself together,
Then think of you.

The Mona Lisa WorldThe meaning?
The purpose?
The definition is unknown.
An expression?
Maybe.
But what does it mean?
Happiness?
No.
Because it's not always real.
Sadness?
No.
Because it's not always fake.
A word I cannot define.
If I were to know,
would it be different?
But then why?
Why don't I know?
Normal people do it all the time.
But it's fake.
Maybe real, but fake.
Not sincere.
The expression is supposedly a treasure.
More beautiful then diamonds.
Than platinum.
Just a little bit less than love.
As if I could even talk about that.
The mystery behind the action.
To raise the sides of your lips.
What's the answer the problem?
The piece to the puzzle?
Why is it that people smile?

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Please don't leave mePlease don't leave me

I know you must hate me
I know I must annoy you

But please don't leave me

You're my only friends
I don't want to be alone again

So please don't leave me

You can beat me
Berate me
Kick me
Step on me
Anything

Just please don't leave me

Burn LiarYou act like you're my friend
But I know it's just more of your lies
You backstab others,
so I know you must do it to me

Why can't you just tell the truth?
Why must you be so cruel?
Why must I believe you?

You have no idea how much pain you cause
And you never will
You wouldn't even care if you knew
You're rotten deep inside your soul

You use your lies to hurt me
And you're lucky I'm not violent
Or you would surely burn

Burn right to your putrid, rotten soul

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Laughing

by ~TaoShaman, Jan 16, 2013, 1:39:34 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I know when I leave you're all laughing

Laughing at
The Freak
The Weirdo
The Loner

Laughing at
How I have no friends
How I don't fit in
How you all hate me
How I think you're my friends

I know you're all laughing at me

You'll never accept me
You'll never like me

You'll always hate me
You'll always be laughing at me

Laughingby ~TaoShaman

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I just went to the 18th birthday party for a "friend" of mine. I had to leave early since it ended really late. I can't help but always think they must be laughing at me. It's not like they'd actually like me. Nobody would.

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

neutral 1 1

~SunShiny-Sunflower Feb 7, 2013 Student Traditional Artist

Did you ask them if they like you?

~TaoShaman Feb 7, 2013 Student General Artist

I'm too scared to.

~SunShiny-Sunflower Feb 7, 2013 Student Traditional Artist

Well you can't know for sure then. They might actually like you, I mean you got an invitation for a birthday party...

~TaoShaman Feb 8, 2013 Student General Artist

I guess, but I feel like they might just do it to be nice. So they don't feel guilty. It's not like I really have friends or go/do anywhere/thing.

~SunShiny-Sunflower Feb 9, 2013 Student Traditional Artist

Did you ever ask anyone to go somewhere with you or do something with you..?

~TaoShaman Feb 9, 2013 Student General Artist

I'm always too scared to.

~SunShiny-Sunflower Feb 10, 2013 Student Traditional Artist

Well maybe they're scared to tell you something nice too. ._. It goes both ways really.
I, too, thought that no one likes me until one day I broke down in front of the whole school crying and then everyone came and told me that they find me interesting and would love to hang out but were afraid to say so, because I had given them the signals not to come near. So you gotta start communicating with people in order to know for sure whether they like you or not. Your piece is full with resentment and it has no basis right now, because you don't know whether they really laugh behind your back or not. Find the courage inside you and go to them...

~waiting-for-wings Jan 19, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

been there before...
wonderfully written, i can really feel the emotion behind it

~TaoShaman Feb 7, 2013 Student General Artist

Thank you very much.

~CrunchBandicoot Jan 17, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

I'm so sorry you felt that way.

I've been there, too, and it's not fun.

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Laughing

Laughingby ~TaoShaman

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